心理治疗师分享克服讨好型人格的自我觉醒之路

心理治疗师卡莉·斯科菲尔德（Carlie Schofield）是尤因族女性，现居沃伦加达拉瓦尔地区，她分享了自己克服讨好型人格的心路历程。1斯科菲尔德指出，讨好行为常被框架化为低自尊、边界不清或缺乏自信，但对她本人而言，这源于一种深刻的智能适应——应对种族刻板印象的恐惧和对家庭的责任感。1

斯科菲尔德强调，改变讨好型人格的关键不在于学会拒绝，而在于转变思维方式。1她表示，"改变事物的工作不是学会说不。而是学会回答一个不同的问题：我想要什么？"1通过成为母亲和进行自我反思，她逐步认识到需要平衡关心他人与照顾自己的需求。1斯科菲尔德进一步指出，"讨好人的反面不是自私。它是自我"，揭示真正的成长在于建立健康的自我认知。1

Carlie Schofield, a Yuin woman and therapist based in the Darawal region of Wollongong, has shared her personal experience overcoming people-pleasing behaviors that shaped much of her early life.1 She explains that people pleasing is often mischaracterized as stemming from low self-esteem, unclear boundaries, or lack of confidence, when in reality, "for me, people pleasing began as a profound intelligent adaptation."1 For Schofield, these patterns originated from a deep-seated fear of racial stereotypes and a strong sense of responsibility toward her family.

The turning point in her journey came through motherhood and self-reflection, which prompted her to reassess her priorities and recognize the importance of attending to her own needs.1 Schofield emphasizes that transforming this pattern is not primarily about learning to say no; instead, "the work that changes things is learning to answer a different question: what do I want?"1 She reframes the alternative to people pleasing, noting that "the opposite of people pleasing is not selfishness. It is self."1 Through this process of self-awareness and intentional boundary-setting, Schofield has achieved a balanced approach to caring for others while prioritizing her own wellbeing.