约会应用Hinge进行的2025年全球调查揭示了困扰现代关系的一个核心问题：努力失衡。该调查覆盖6000名用户，发现72%的女性更看重伴侣在关系中的投入程度而非收入水平，84%的女性认为精心策划的约会比昂贵的约会更具吸引力[1]。这种现象被称为"努力失衡关系"，指的是一方持续投入而另一方努力不匹配的配偶关系[1]。
研究表明，这一问题与关系质量直接相关。2014年一项针对8006人的研究发现，在不同类型伴侣中，那些持续投入关系的夫妻报告了更高的幸福感和安全感[1]。心理学家菲比·罗杰斯指出，许多人因寻求连接、表现脆弱和担心被拒绝而感到精疲力竭，恐惧在其中起了重要作用[1]。
针对这一问题，性与关系治疗师塔尼亚·柯恩斯提出了具体建议：伴侣每天互相说一句好话，且不能重复前面说过的内容[1]。
An "effort-gap relationship" — where one partner consistently invests while the other fails to reciprocate — has emerged as a significant challenge in contemporary dating and relationships.[1] A 2025 Hinge survey of 6,000 global users found that 72% of women prioritize their partner's relational effort over income, with 84% stating that thoughtfully planned dates appeal to them more than expensive outings.[1] Research from 2014 involving 8,006 participants revealed that couples who maintain consistent mutual investment in their relationships report greater happiness and security compared to other partnership models.[1]
The consequences of mismatched effort extend beyond initial dissatisfaction. Psychologist Phoebe Rogers explains that many people become exhausted from pursuing connection, vulnerability, and managing the fear of rejection.[1] To address this dynamic, sex and relationship therapist Tanya Koens recommends concrete daily practices, suggesting couples "say one kind thing to each other every day, and never repeat the same phrase."[1] Australian men in particular have faced criticism for insufficient initiative in dating contexts, underscoring how cultural and personal patterns can perpetuate effort imbalances that undermine relationship satisfaction and longevity.[1]